i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
