so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
