The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
