i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
