I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize