Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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