O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
