I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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