How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
