Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
