No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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