she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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