i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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