1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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