now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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