Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
