I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
