Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
