I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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