I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
40s are totally the cure
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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