On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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