Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He told me they were just razor bumps!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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