Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
