Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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