I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My balls are so social today.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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