the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
