Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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