I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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