one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
