He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
