If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize