Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
