The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
