is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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