your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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