im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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