so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
