my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
