We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
