it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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