I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
