Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
