i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
