I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
