Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
