I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
