Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
