Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
