no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
