It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
