i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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