I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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