Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
