just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
