end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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