here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
