I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
