dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
