It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
