i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
