just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
pray to the hookup gods
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
