I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
