Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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