Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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