You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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