Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
