Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
