i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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