Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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