What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We have started to decorate penises.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
