dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am one with the molecules
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
