It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
