Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
