i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
