Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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