Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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