I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
