Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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