i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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