do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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