she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
