you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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