you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
