paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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