So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
